01. Start and Stop, Intro to Spain
I see a face rising from the earth. How long it can be, we wait.
When I first started reading about what it might be like to buy a property in Spain, the first thing that became clear was that the process is long and the path often winding, paved with no small amount of paperwork.
With this in mind, it should have come as no surprise or shock when we found out we needed “just one more paper” two days after arriving in Andalusia to finalize the sale and get keys to our new home there. What more could we do than take it as it comes, enjoying the days wandering the coast, taking advantage of the moments of temporal aimlessness while going through the motions of patience. A fair enough exchange.
With the massive disappointments and disasters in the world, one can hardly quantify how small or insignificant this setback. Yet, also perhaps because of the disappointment and disaster in the world, alongside what felt like a minor loss of control of our travel/life schedule, I seemed to feel everything all the more intensely as we enjoyed our beauty filled days of vacation. My heart feeling every pain as I found it bursting more than light.
Despite the pressures I was feeling and the tenderness of all the aches, enjoy ourselves, we did— because that is exactly the reason we were there, exactly the reason we are taking on this endeavor. To enjoy ourselves. To avenge what has been lost. To accept the multidimensional. To find the ease required to linger on and draw out the sweetness of this life. To grow, and grow a family, in whatever way or shape or form. To learn to be safe rather than challenged, in joy. And then, as always, to encourage the joy to ripple on.
So, we swam in the ocean, rode on horseback, visited the french circus, kayaked, and ate all kinds of tapas. We wandered through olive branches, dipped our bread deeply into fresh oil, savored rich fruit from each pit. We lingered on the rooftop deep into night, kissed each other’s faces off, and laughed at the bells of dawn.
We didn’t close or sign papers or get keys, while there, this time. The last paper we are waiting on could take another week or another month or two. We will see. And, we’ll be back to Spain to try again when the time comes. Stay tuned!
For now- we tack. We switch directions while staying on course, tailoring our sails to the wind. It is really quite exciting. And, I’m grateful to be able to feel so much and to feel so challenged, especially in these challenges I have had the privilege to choose for myself.
At the airport on the way back, exhausted at 5am, after moving up our return date to accommodate the unexpected changes, I found myself sitting across from a mother nursing her child, and the overwhelm caught me. And by that, I mean, rather than feeling trapped by the overwhelm, I was suddenly held in the realness of my emotions.
I had not realized I was traveling with a third companion, my grief, until there she was, ever so full of wisdom, gripping me at the throat. The feelings I’ve been feeling emotionally have been of tremendous pressure and tension. I have felt squeezed to the last bit of my tolerance in the contraction of life and there have been moments where I begin to question if feeling all of it is even ok.
Swallowing my breath as slowly and steadily as possible to shore the rising swell that had taken me out to sea, I found myself able to find a sense of peace, with the face of a now well fed baby smiling back at me from its seat on its mothers lap. I reassured myself that both fertility and nourishment are part of this path, part of this life I choose. All the big feelings mean we want it. It really is ok.
These tensions can be celebrated even as they are uncomfortable. I will never be able to breastfeed (after losing my breasts to breast cancer), and I’m not (yet) pregnant, but I am here(!) and these feelings might as well be the earliest stages labor, as I give myself again and again to the rebirth that is life. This mother, this motherfuckin mother.
Answering a couple questions:
Where in Spain? Our property is located in Malaga. Near a town called Antequera.
Are you moving? Yes and no. We are figuring things out as we go. Go figure! Our plan is to do what feels best and makes most sense as we learn and grow from this learning curve! As it stands, our plan is to enjoy time working between New York and Spain.
What do you like about this part of Spain? We love the weather! The water. The terrain. The high quality and low cost of food. The friendliness of the people. The slower pace of life with less stress. And, the access to low cost healthcare.
What do you like about the property? We love that the house feels so peaceful, simple, and serene, boasting incredible views of mountains and olive trees. The property we are buying is off grid and comes with 6.5 acres of olive oil producing olive trees, which we are also SO EXCITED to share when the time comes!
What kind of visa do you have? Going to write more about this, later! There are various visa options we are still exploring. But, many European countries offer special visas to foreigners who are willing to invest in a home, start a business, or work remotely, etc.
In this new section of Mixed Feelings, expect to see a glimpse into our experience buying (and improving) a property in Spain with answers to questions we receive about all that endeavoring to begin an international lifestyle abroad entails.
Also included here will be our discoveries and favorite finds around Andalusia. With a peek at what we are bringing home from the local markets and cooking up for nourishment in our Spanish kitchen.
Spain!!